Sad

I'm having a quiet night at work tonight, which is a change from my usual nights at work. But being quiet has given a lot of time to think and reflect. Shortly after I got to work I checked my voicemail and had a message from my aunt saying that my Great Grandma is probably not going to make it through the night. She is 94 and has really gone down hill fast. She was always very active and full of life. In the last couple of months she has been in and out of the hospital and is battling dementia and doesn't recognize any of the family anymore. I can't pray for her to stay here the way she is, but it's still hard to let go. I never have dealt with death very well.
I haven't seen her in since Christmas, which makes me feel awful. But part of me was selfish and just wanted to remember her the way she was instead of seeing her how she is know. I'm beginning to think this maybe something I'm going to regret.
I know the funeral will be hard and I'm not sure if I should bring Teagan to it or not. When we talk about Grandma Esther dying at home Teagan starts bawling and saying "I don't want Grandma to die". I don't think she has a real grasp of what dying is, but she knows that you go to heaven. We were blowing bubbles yesterday and she said "look Mom, those ones going really high are going to heaven." she also said "When Grandma goes to heaven I can blow her bubbles".
I of course bawled my eyes out.
Then once she is done crying about Grandma dying she goes onto crying because she doesn't want Uncle Raymond to die. My uncle who was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They are giving him maybe 6 months. I think it's going to be a rough few months for all of us.

Ok, onto a happier note. We had a blast being outside on Sunday and Monday and enjoying the beautiful weather. It was so nice to be off so I could enjoy it with my family. We were seriously outside for almost 12 hours yesterday. The kids slept great last night.