A sad way to begin 2010

As all of you know by now my Grandpa passed away early last Sunday morning. He was transferred from Gundersen Lutheran to Pine View nursing home in BRF last Friday afternoon. On Saturday morning I received a phone call from my cousin Becca that Grandpa was not doing well. They couldn't keep him awake to take his meds and he was not very responsive to anyone. So I immediately headed to the nursing home. I knew the minute I walked in the door that his time with us would soon be over. I did let the kids see him for a few minutes so they could say I love you and goodbye to him. He woke up long enough to tell them he loved them, but then he was asleep again. Craig took the kids home for the night and me, my Mom, my cousin Becca, my 2 aunts, and my 2 uncles spent the night at the nursing home with Grandpa. We all took turns holding his hands and telling him how much we loved him.

Around 0100 most of us went out into the waiting room to try to sleep for a little while. It was about 0130 when my Grandma came out and said that his breathing was "different". So we all went back in and within a matter of a few minutes his breaths were very slow. My Grandma held one of his hands any my aunt held the other. We all watched him take his last breath and I felt his carotid pulse. At 0145 his heart beat for the very last time. I felt his very last heart beat. It was amazing and heart breaking. It's something I will never ever forget as long as I live.

I never ever imagined after my last blog that we'd only have a week left with him. Our Pastor was there for part of the evening with us and we'll said the Lord's Prayer. Grandpa, even though he couldn't communicate with us folded his hands and his mouth moved along with the words. When Grandpa was in the CCU our Pastor also came down there and we all said the Lord's Prayer with Grandpa. I cried so hard at the funeral when we prayed it. I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear it without thinking about Grandpa.

This week has been a very long hard week for our family. It seems to be never ending. I don't remember when I've cried so much. It has also been a week of showing just how amazing my family is when we have a crisis. We all pull together and are there 100% for each other. At the funeral Becca and I read a book called "The next place" it's so beautiful and perfect. I'm surprised we actually made it through the whole book without crying.

There are going to be a lot of changes for my Grandma and I'm sure a lot more tears for all of us. I have to keep reminding myself that he's finally free of pain and hurt. He can do everything he wants to without trouble breathing, there's no more checking his blood sugars or insulin. He's at peace and one day we will see him again. And I am truly blessed to have been able to be part of all of this as hard as it was.